Hard Times

Everywhere — The first big news today was that Willard “Mittens” Romney, the guy who has managed to maintain a belief in magic underpants, but not in people’s right to healthcare, got eight more votes than Rick Santorum,whose name is a synonym for, well, for santorum, who has been steadfast in his contempt for human rights, and who brought a miscarried fetus home to meet his kids. This “win” and “second place” apparently was good news for both of them, like in Kindergarten when everyone gets a star so long as they weren’t in time out.

But Michelle Bachman has been in time out ever since, at least, the time she shared that she had just learned from a reliable source (a woman she met a few minutes earlier) that the anti-HPV vaccine can make you retarded (apparently not having gotten the memo that Sarah Palin doesn’t like when you use the word “retarded” lightly). So she read a long speech that ended up being about that she’s not going to run for president anymore, and that Republicans need to unite against healthcare, which is going to make it tough for anyone who followed what she was saying to unite behind the guy who won, by eight votes, but so what. None of the rest of it made any sense either.

The survivors of what I would call, forgive me, Retard Island, who with the exception of the magic underpants cultist, cite Christ more than the constitution as the basis of how they would run things, are coming to Florida soon, to persuade Jews, immigrants, unemployed people — and that pretty much sums up the population here outside of the very rich — that it is in their interests to vote for them.

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