The Aristocrats

So a man named John McCain walks into a talent agent’s office and says, “boy, have I got an act for you . . .”

The agent says, “yeah, what is it?”

The guy says, “It’s a family act, okay. The husband and wife walk on the stage, with their five kids. But wait — actually it’s only four, the oldest kid joined the army and was sent to Iraq after he got into trouble with drugs and vandalism . . . anyway, the 17-year-old daughter is pregnant, and she’s got the babydad, well, actually the fiance, because she’s going to marry the kid who maybe is the babydad, and he says “I don’t want kids,” and “ya fuck wit me I kick your ass.” Then the kids, two more daughters, take turns holding the youngest kid, a special needs baby, who was born sometime in the four days between when the mom took an 8-hour plane ride and went back to work, and then there’s the dad, he doesn’t talk, but the mom does, and she can really run her mouth — leaves all the g’s off the end of her words, says “nukular” instead of “nuclear.” And then, here’s the funny part, she starts talking about how she should be next in line for the presidency of the United States, because she’s a mom.

Anyway then they all . . .

Ew.

Then the really hilarious part, they tell you not to say anything about the family. Or how ignorant the mom is. Or any relationship between how screwed up they are and how ignorant and incompetent the mom is.

“Wait,” the agent says, “you mean they go out on the stage, but you have to pretend like they’re not there?”

Yeah, John McCain said.

And so the Sarah Palin family did it again last night, at the end of a big victory for the mom, and some people said it was great, because instead of being laugh-out-loud funny, like she was last week, she was only nauseating.

This is why the humor in this joke relies on just a little restraint, as Ms. Palin showed last week, when she stayed — relatively — silent. I’d rather laugh than gag.

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